A Slack Conversation by Megan Clista & Dan Ayer
Dan: Our blog has taken on a serious tone as of late. Let’s continue it with one of the most debated issues of 2021.
Megan: What’re you thinking?
D: We settle an Internet battle for Olivia Wilde’s theoretical heart. Your ‘boy’ Harry Styles vs. the one, the only Ted Lasso.
M: I’d say it’s a “Sign of the Times.”
D: I “Believe” it is.
D: If you use more than 3 puns in this chat I’m docking your pay. I’ve got my AFC Richmond jersey on and your Harry Styles playlist up.
Other ground rules:
- I’m Team Ted through and through, but I’ve studied up on Harry over the last few weeks to prepare to answer our nine questions fairly.
- This is NOT meant as a real competition or comparison for Olivia Wilde’s heart. More of an exploration of her taste in creatively talented men.
M: Let’s do it. Round 1: Best Quote.
D: Ted Lasso is one of the most quoted shows — Tao of Ted is a real thing. Real coaches use his wisdom to motivate their teams. Some obvious choices here:
Ted’s goldfish line has become a team mantra for AFC Richmond.
This one hits me in all the feels. For me, Ted is about remaining positive despite negativity all around you. Decent thing to remember in 2020–21.
M: I’ll admit defeat with this one, but not without mentioning:
“And the coffee’s out. At the Beachwood Cafe. And it kills me ’cause I know we’ve run out of things we can say” From “Falling,” Fine Line.
This shakes my core because, as YOU always say, specificity. Tbh Harry’s line is basically the same thing as being sad and alone, just saying it in a more artsy way.
D: I dug that Harry song. And you are right, it’s more personal. But Ted is like a ‘quote of the day’ calendar. Round 1 to Mr. Lasso.
M: Okay round 2. Best Style. And it’s EASY PEASY. One moment while I compile. Not to mention he co-chaired Camp at the Met Gala.
D: Hey my Jason has his moments…. Golden Globes tie-dye hoodie, high AF.
M: THEY ARE LITERALLY T-SHIRTS. And this is Jason, not Ted. Goodbye.
D: You’re right. I’m giving this round to Harry. BUT for a t-shirt and jeans guy, Sudekis owns it too. Ok, we’re tied. Next round! Best GIF.
Also — Editor’s note: I’m on Adore You…begrudgingly becoming a fan.
M: As you should.
D: As someone with the “Believe” sign hanging in my Zoom background, it has to be the slap of the sign.
M: A moment for “Lights Up.” We love accepting ourselves for who we are in this house.
But, Ted wins this one. I really enjoy the “Believe” thing and it contributes to Oyster morale — and social content.
D: 2–1 good guy.
M: Ready for round 4? Dad bod vs Abs.
D: I feel attacked…
M: Abs are whatever. But Abs + THIRD NIPPLE = point for Harry.
D: I’ll give this to Harry. But no bonus points for the bonus nipple. Tied again. Round 5.
M: Who crosses the pond better? AKA Is Harry bigger in the US? or Ted in the UK?
D: Despite being Team Ted, I highly doubt the English dig the idea of an American Football coach coming over to the premier.
M: According to billboard: “Harry Styles’ Fine Line helped U.S. vinyl album sales achieve yet another banner year — their highest total in 30 years of tracking — as the set closed 2020 as the top-selling vinyl album, according to MRC Data. The set sold 232,000 copies on vinyl during the tracking year (Jan. 3 through Dec. 31, 2020).”
D: You brought stats to a Slack debate… Round 5 to Harry. But, crossover for the fan base?
Am I going to listen to Harry again unprovoked? No.
Will you be watching Season 2 of Ted?
M: Yes. Case in point.
D: Tied up again — Unintentionally, we are coming down to the wire. Who do you most want to have a pint with?
M: Obviously Harry. That’s the only way he’d fall in love with me.
D: If I was a single man. I’m Mr. Styles wingman. But grabbing a PINT…. It’s Ted. He’s one of the best fictional characters to have a beer and get a little wisdom from.
M: In this ~climate~ I could use some Ted positivity too. But, if this were a very real scenario and the two were in front of me right now, it’d be Harry.
This next one is tough. Who kills ’em with kindness?
The tagline of Ted Lasso is literally “Kindness Makes a Comeback.”
M: K well Harry has a TPWK (Treat People with Kindness) campaign. He donates merch and a portion of concert proceeds to charity.
\While Ted is truly a sweet man, he’s a fictional character and can actually be the closest to perfect any human can be. Harry is real and is STILL an unproblematic king despite the fact that his margin for error is much larger.
D: Since he is a real human, I will give you this. Although, you have to admit Ted has the better moustache. Last question and we’re tied 4–4. Who won 2020?
Real answer. Literally fucking no one. You graduated from college and I got married, but hard pass on going back. PSA get vaxxed and wear a mask, people.
M: ^^ And then a lot more of us can win.
D: Let me give my sales pitch for Ted.
Last year sucked, but I haven’t talked to a single person who didn’t feel at least a little bit of optimism from the show.
All while in a year of protests, pandemic and a really fun, lighthearted presidential election. Think Ted is criticizing Simone Biles? Naw. He’s the first person to get in her corner.
Ted might be the only winner to come out of 2020.
M: Not to be boring, but I quite honestly have no argument.
D: Cause there isn’t one.
So I win, right? And, if we learned anything from Ted Lasso — it’s that winning is the only thing that matters, right?
M: BBQ sauce.
Watch the full, iconic BBQ sauce scene here.